My dryer lint always comes out a hue of Green

The small comforts in life.  These seem to be over whelming to me in these few days I've been back in Denver.  It is amazing how much the smell of another person is something I didn't realize I missed so much.  That sweet sent that is their own, some part detergent, some part soap, and then the sent that makes them, them, just like a finger print, none the same.  It makes me think a little differently about the movie Perfume, if only we could just bottle a persons sent to have it, to smell in when feeling so desperately unloved, lonely.

These people we smell and remember are of such importance.  Just as the comfort of knowing what color the dryer lint will be.  I've been pondering the world of great loses, everyone goes through it, some more ignorant then others but isn't it all the same.  My good friend Danielle always told me that the pain I feel is equivalent to the pain others feel, even though to my eye it couldn't be the same.  Then I look at people who have lost greater then I have, and it makes me think I have no right to think about my pain.  Where does this all play?  Where does the line start and end?  What should we say and do.

I find that I can't exist around people unless they know who I am, what I think, what I feel, what really adds up to me.  I go through mass scales of ups to downs.  Most enjoy sharing ups, triumphs, the joys in a persons life.  But then we aren't suppose to share the downs.  These things say we are having a pity party, owe poor me.  I guess when I share these things it is for a tool purpose.  I think people should know why.  Why do I look sad?  It concerns me more that you don't want to know, or perhaps you didn't even notice.

I don't know, but my laundry is done!

Smitten

I love men.  I love many men, all at once or sometime one by one.  Mind you I'll fall for a girl just the same.  I'm all about the person all in all.

Why, why, why do I find my self so easily smitten with men.  All right I'll get to the point, I just had a wonderful dinner with a wonderful person.  Actually a rather cute boy, who is sweet, and has a wonderful smile, a gentleman.  I like his thoughts, his view on the world, on people, in general.  He is good at listening and is interested.  So I'm smitten, I want to know everything about him, it's an addiction.  A uncontrollable desire towards a person.  You know how you can regret not doing something, well I would rather regret doing something then never knowing.  Life is to short not to just go for it.  But this leaves me not wanting to control my desires.  When I like a person, I want a person.  This should so stop, because the person tends to have a girlfriend, or no desires to share.  

It isn't fare to say that I haven't had the smart talk meeting and then actually been asked on a date to lead to a relationship.  But as one could tell, it didn't lead to the ultimate goal, companionship, someone to share with my whole life with, someone to support each other.  So in my ideal world I am forever seeking my other half, my right leg.  This all leads to me clinging to anyone I click with.

Unhealthy? I don't know, but it leaves me generally disappointed.

So much...

Well I've turned in the last project I'm going to do this month for this semester!  Yes there happen to be more to do.  Shockingly I seem to still get the response, I don't know how you do it Mallory.  You know what is crazy, I don't know how I do it either.  In fact I didn't do it so well this semester.  I've never taken an incomplete in my life.  What at thought, incomplete, am I incomplete, by looking at me yes, but if you only knew.  I think the best way I've head it described is broke, like something that could be fixed.  Isn't it interesting that doctors are so into creating a situation, keeping someone alive, but on the up keep they don't know what to do.  

So I just got back from bowling with the Grads, haven't been out with a group of them in a long time.  Once again I think they were stunned with the notion I can bowl, let alone hit a spar, let of lone the two strikes in a row the next game.  But we can happily ignore that fact that I had the lowest score and that I broke a nail.  It was nice to feel like part of the group, I'm always so torn with the notion of being with people, or being with people do the same old thing, and then there is the flat out not getting included, and I haven't figured out that puzzle yet.  I think I need to work on my event planning or something, people call it contributing, but that fact is I hardly know what I like to do.

Just the same I had a great night with my soon the be Director, Dana is cool, and she has given me great direction of where to start my ideas for her show.  It is such a new way of entering a play and I think I'm going to love it.  Dana and I should work great together.  For those interested the show is "The Mill on the Floss"  Look it up if you want to really fallow the up dates.

So much for the highlights

A quick trip

Why would a blog this online so many people can see, I have no idea.  But to think of it, maybe to make it real, to know it is really happening.  My Aunt Sarah has cancer.  Really that is all I know about it.  My reaction, I need to see her now, like right now.  It is only a 6 hour drive so here I come.

I of course I think she will be ok.  But you can't predict anything, you can only believe in the best.  I use the word believe because I think believing is stronger then hoping or wishing.  

So their it is.  I love my Aunt!