A quick fix

So I've found the quick way to get incredibly comfortable with ones body. Communal shows! So I've taken up trying to work out regularly and I've got a couple friends who are doing it with me, which as you know having a support team really helps get the job done. Well we have been working out at CMU's pool and showering together afterwards. Well these ladies like to strip down as soon as clothing becomes optional. Tell you what, when your around women that don't give a damn it kind of rubs off on you. And oddly enough it doesn't seem to bother me when I find Eve greatly staring at my stomach, but I cut her off when she start poking my nipple and saying it's so pink. These ladies are so nice, and I feel so free around them.

My Disabled Theatre

So after this semester at school I've found that I don't really like designing costumes for bodies that people would call able. Rather I like designing costume for disabled bodies. They are really more interesting. And forever changing. I realized that dealing with the actors in my last show I had a problem rapping my head around the problems the actors were having with what they were wearing. It's a damn jean jacket, what about it is so uncomfortable? Sorry, for a person who feels she is sensitive to the needs of her actors, apparently that only applies to "real problems" not the hyper active sensitivity that says they have some kind of psychological problem that we encourage and goes un diagnosed. I'm ok with with people who have head injuries, psychological disorder (that have been diagnosed) and general craziness that comes with theatre.  

Real Problems:
Missing limbs
Parkinson
Polio
sever depression
spina bifida
MS
CP
SF
Spinal cord injuries
Traumatic Head injuries
Blindness
Hearing impaired

Not Real Problems
Fat rolls the size of my pink toe
small ripples in fabric
I could go on, but it could become rude

So because of this I am in a great search. A great search of a Disabled theatre company. Mind you have have been working with one for the past 7 years, fairly professional, but not a full time gig. There are many dance groups in the US, many groups just working with the deaf actors. Very few and fare between that work with any disability, I have found two places that have an education for disabled actors. But nothing is coming back with much of a design for disabilities. So here I go the new frontier?

Almost Aug Again

Well it is almost that time of year again, that time of year that was my last blog on oh, so many months. So here it is the first blog of 2009. Although I don't know if anyone actually pays any attention to this. Really I still think it is the oddest thought, to have thoughts, just for anyone to look at, and expect people to look at them. What happen to just complaining to your closes girl friend. Is this really the release of the subconscious in a health manner? What in the long run will be the reverberation from all this "blogging"? Will we some how lose the ability to share with others in person, or no longer care to hear about it in person. Will the world be so flooded with personal thought and information that some how saving the important stuff or even finding it will be impossible. But what can you do. I'm gonna blog and see what I attract.

Lets call this August

So once again I've found myself back in Pittsburgh. Some how two months have vanished into the summer heat. Shall I count the crashes, should we examine the pros and cons on the summer having even excited? But what to start with pros or cons?

Cons

Mattie has been banished from being my friend
Most friends didn't have me on their list any more "to busy with their real lives"
Everyone who wasn't dating someone is now dating someone
Wasn't the designer on Side Show
Car got Totaled
Packed up childhood room, never to step foot in that house again
Disconnected with father
Miss placed camera the whole trip
Bed bugs at mom's house
Laptop got a good ding it in
Wasted time on making a friend who turned out to be a dick
Found myself with nothing to give
Just a lot of suck


Pros

Got to see Ashley (a surprise visit)
Did see my friends
Being with PHAMALy (although made tough with dick boy
Met Jan (Mark's new girlfriend, she is fun)
Opened Hot l Baltimore
Have a new shiny red car
Took hot guy home from the bar (twice)
Got my butt molded (more to come)
This and that I guess

Still pros, still cons

I don't now, not the summer I had in mind. But when has life ever been that way for me?

My dryer lint always comes out a hue of Green

The small comforts in life.  These seem to be over whelming to me in these few days I've been back in Denver.  It is amazing how much the smell of another person is something I didn't realize I missed so much.  That sweet sent that is their own, some part detergent, some part soap, and then the sent that makes them, them, just like a finger print, none the same.  It makes me think a little differently about the movie Perfume, if only we could just bottle a persons sent to have it, to smell in when feeling so desperately unloved, lonely.

These people we smell and remember are of such importance.  Just as the comfort of knowing what color the dryer lint will be.  I've been pondering the world of great loses, everyone goes through it, some more ignorant then others but isn't it all the same.  My good friend Danielle always told me that the pain I feel is equivalent to the pain others feel, even though to my eye it couldn't be the same.  Then I look at people who have lost greater then I have, and it makes me think I have no right to think about my pain.  Where does this all play?  Where does the line start and end?  What should we say and do.

I find that I can't exist around people unless they know who I am, what I think, what I feel, what really adds up to me.  I go through mass scales of ups to downs.  Most enjoy sharing ups, triumphs, the joys in a persons life.  But then we aren't suppose to share the downs.  These things say we are having a pity party, owe poor me.  I guess when I share these things it is for a tool purpose.  I think people should know why.  Why do I look sad?  It concerns me more that you don't want to know, or perhaps you didn't even notice.

I don't know, but my laundry is done!

Smitten

I love men.  I love many men, all at once or sometime one by one.  Mind you I'll fall for a girl just the same.  I'm all about the person all in all.

Why, why, why do I find my self so easily smitten with men.  All right I'll get to the point, I just had a wonderful dinner with a wonderful person.  Actually a rather cute boy, who is sweet, and has a wonderful smile, a gentleman.  I like his thoughts, his view on the world, on people, in general.  He is good at listening and is interested.  So I'm smitten, I want to know everything about him, it's an addiction.  A uncontrollable desire towards a person.  You know how you can regret not doing something, well I would rather regret doing something then never knowing.  Life is to short not to just go for it.  But this leaves me not wanting to control my desires.  When I like a person, I want a person.  This should so stop, because the person tends to have a girlfriend, or no desires to share.  

It isn't fare to say that I haven't had the smart talk meeting and then actually been asked on a date to lead to a relationship.  But as one could tell, it didn't lead to the ultimate goal, companionship, someone to share with my whole life with, someone to support each other.  So in my ideal world I am forever seeking my other half, my right leg.  This all leads to me clinging to anyone I click with.

Unhealthy? I don't know, but it leaves me generally disappointed.

So much...

Well I've turned in the last project I'm going to do this month for this semester!  Yes there happen to be more to do.  Shockingly I seem to still get the response, I don't know how you do it Mallory.  You know what is crazy, I don't know how I do it either.  In fact I didn't do it so well this semester.  I've never taken an incomplete in my life.  What at thought, incomplete, am I incomplete, by looking at me yes, but if you only knew.  I think the best way I've head it described is broke, like something that could be fixed.  Isn't it interesting that doctors are so into creating a situation, keeping someone alive, but on the up keep they don't know what to do.  

So I just got back from bowling with the Grads, haven't been out with a group of them in a long time.  Once again I think they were stunned with the notion I can bowl, let alone hit a spar, let of lone the two strikes in a row the next game.  But we can happily ignore that fact that I had the lowest score and that I broke a nail.  It was nice to feel like part of the group, I'm always so torn with the notion of being with people, or being with people do the same old thing, and then there is the flat out not getting included, and I haven't figured out that puzzle yet.  I think I need to work on my event planning or something, people call it contributing, but that fact is I hardly know what I like to do.

Just the same I had a great night with my soon the be Director, Dana is cool, and she has given me great direction of where to start my ideas for her show.  It is such a new way of entering a play and I think I'm going to love it.  Dana and I should work great together.  For those interested the show is "The Mill on the Floss"  Look it up if you want to really fallow the up dates.

So much for the highlights